5 Steps to Setting Boundaries You Can Live By

Life is full of twists and turns and before you know it you can loose yourself in the hustle and bustle. That’s why it’s important (especially in this post pandemic world) to ensure that you evaluate, set, and keep clear boundaries in your life.

Check out the 5 steps below to help you do it…

Have you ever set a goal for yourself only to find that you are continually coming up against roadblocks? It happens to everyone. Schedules change, people need things from you, or maybe a mixture of the two. This is frustrating. You feel like a failure for not reaching your goal, but you don’t know how to manage the expectations of others against your own needs. You need boundaries. Boundaries will allow you to respect the framework you are working within, and where your needs start and stop.

1.     Define What You Need

Before you can even start creating boundaries, you first must define the framework by recognizing what you need. For example, if your goal is to wake up early four mornings a week to journal; then, you will need to set the alarm, determine what method you would like to use for journaling (electronically or old-fashioned pen and paper) and ensure you have everything available for you when the time comes. But you also need to go to bed early four nights a week. This may mean saying no to hanging out later or it may mean unplugging from work at a time that will allow you to wind down in a timely manner.

2.     Be Honest with Yourself

Really spend time thinking about what obstacles you will need to overcome in order to stick to your boundaries. If you are someone who has a hard time saying no to others, ask for help from an accountability partner or coach. The boundaries you set should enhance your life and not add extra stress to it. However, to get to that point, you may have to travel an uncomfortable road until you are used to putting yourself first. Show yourself some compassion and don’t give up.

3.     Set Boundaries

Now that you have identified your needs, start to think about what boundary you need to set to make need a reality. For example, if you need to incorporate exercising into your daily routine, you may need to stop joining your coworkers for lunch every day and instead repurpose that time for working out. Another example could be that you need to get to sleep by 10:00 pm daily in order to ensure you are well rested and ready to tackle your day. So, you may identify that to make that happen you need to ask your sister to stop calling you every night at 9:30 pm because you now need to use that time to start preparing for bed. If you have smaller children, establish a game plan with your partner to take turns getting kids ready in the morning or putting them to bed at night. It’s important to recognize that in some situations, you may have to compromise in order to make the boundaries work without infringing on someone else’s boundaries.

4.     Follow Through and Communicate

Once you have established why you are setting boundaries, be clear when you communicate them. Make it simple. You can say something such as, “Sorry, I’m not going out on weeknights anymore”. Don’t feel like you must justify why you are setting boundaries. Now that there are boundaries in place to help you reach your goals follow through on your end. This means not just working to accomplish the goals you set, but also communicating with others along the way.

5.     Appreciate Those Who Help You

No one can accomplish anything on their own. Make sure that you appreciate the people in your life who are helping you keep your boundaries. So, thank your friend for understanding when you couldn’t stay out late. Treat your spouse or partner to a nice thank you note for allowing you to have quiet. You get the point!

Boundaries are a beautiful thing. They let us know where we stand, with others and with ourselves. Never let any feelings of shame, selfishness, or awkwardness keep you from creating and maintaining the boundaries that you need to be successful. We can’t give from an empty vessel. So, make sure you are doing the things that will keep your full and not running on empty.